In my head I am going so fast. Faster then the car we ride in. Spinning and twirling as I did on the dance floor.. Around and around my thoughts race and spin. Moving towards what? What I am moving towards? Will I be another zombie shuffleing across the white tile floors of this hospital. Will I dive ever closer to the global mind. Reaching ever more and stretching as far as I can to the magnificence to the divine to the green pastures of bliss. That last eye that needs to be open, and will I find myself this time? Will I be able to see through the darkness that is an ego? Will I find what everyone is looking for inside themselves. A truth so pure and timeless a truth about who I am.
MMMM-----MMMM----MMMMM MEMORY GAP-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P
Sitting in waiting room, as I almost fall asleep. The doctors come and being to ask me questions. This barrage of true blue. This hail storm of love. This beautiful teaching seminar. This desire. The desire to learn, and to help. r, buThe questions are hard to remembet I will do my best.
"So dyou mood is a little elevate eh?"
"Yes I suppose you could say that" I smile cheekily.
"How are you feeling?"
"Spectacular, how are you?"
TO MANY PEOPLE TO REMEMBER WHAT THEY SAID
"Where were you when this happened?"
"I was at Anime North, but it started on Sunday"
"Did you do any drugs?"
"No, nothing it was great"
"So no weed?"
"Oh well yeah I guess I did smoke some weed"
"How much did you smoke?"
My mind starts at the beginning, jumping out of the truck, and going towards the damn line. Faster and faster I race my mind a while loop with an if statement in it. Going up if ever I took a toke on anything. Racing and racing faster and faster as I can scan every circle of every group session. Faster and faster going an insane speed a speed that my mind has never reached. Trying so hard to find this needed answer. Trying so hard to look sane. I suppose though that being able to do this is quite the opposite.
"52 tokes in total" I answer "Is that a lot?"
No answer. Fine! If you want the silence Dr.Who style then so will I. WHEN THE QUESTION IS ASKED SILENCE WILL FOLLOW!
"So you did no other drugs?"
I give them nothing.
"Ian are you O.K?"
SILENCE! As I grin hehehehe. A student doctor I believe named Dr. Chow. A very good person quite interesting I enjoy her energy. Well anyway she comes in now to join Dr. Levinsin and Janice.
"Ian this is Dr.Chow"
"Hello there, and I will tell you my rule. When the question is asked silence will follow. Its from Doctor Who!" A mad smile splits my face as I respond.
"Oh man I'm so glad none of those stone angels are here.... I wouldn't blink. Seriously." A memory of the rave bounces back into my mind. The Doctor Who hardcore song tumbling around in this ever moving mind of mine.
MORE QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN. GO SEE FOR YOURSELF ITS QUITE FUN
They take me, my mom and sister into a room. Well then this seems to be the perfect spot of A LIGHT SHOW! :))))
Flyboy this time pumps out of the small speaker in my phone. As I dance and dance with the laser lights that I still have from the rave. Only 2 have survived but damn when they do they last for a long time. Hehehehe ;)
Dancing and liquidizing and twirling my ever so manic mind. Weeeeee around and around faster and faster my arms spin and twirl up high then down low. Making a chain and turning it into a ball. The dance of the enslaved who so willingly enslave themselves all in the name of love. Never Again. My form says that I am a danger to myself. I suppose this is true, as I danced so hard that I wrecked my right arm.
Janice has come now and is taking me somewhere. I follow her. I trust her. I just met her, but I trust her. I follow behind like a lost puppy looking for safety. Safety from my ever moving mind. Safety from the twirling and spinning thoughts of mine. We get in a cab and we go to the other CamH where GPU is at. I enjoy the ride as I make small talk to the cab driver. So pleased I am with this cab driver I give him my blue light. Enjoy!
Janice is gone now that I am in this waiting room. The people in the room are: Me, My Mom, Some Indian old around the age of 55 who claims he is blind, Two people in a relationship of some kind who have the aura of hippie people, one quite cute woman of around 25. Anyway less people then last time. Being manic. Being in full on MAGE MODE. I am expedited and put into another room of questioning . They ask me the standard questions.
"How are you feeling?"
"Lovingly"
"Do you want to hurt yourself?"
"No I am a being of love"
"Do you want to hurt others?"
"No I am a being of love"
I pee in a cup to test for drugs that I did not do... except for weed, but whatever...
Finally admitted into the GPU, and now I am away from my family. I can be whoever I want now :)
Well there is a TV and some puzzles and other things. A memory pops into my mind. A memory of baby blue gloves. I need some. I need to get these gloves. Hohoho what is this is spy in the the nurses room. Gloves... baby blue gloves.... I ask for something to tie by pants up with as they took my belt away from me. As they always do. The nurse gives me what I want. Gloves of baby blue. Muahahahahahah now I am the best!
I AM COMPLETE. I wear my gloves with pride. Dancing and liquidizing around the entry hall of this so massive complex of the mind.
Myself and a volunteer start on a puzzle although we are no where close to finishing it as she has to go home. She is quite cute and I enjoy her loving caring nature. They give me some Lithium and Seroquel, but for some reason this makes me very sick and I puke them back up. I tell the nurse this and he doesn't seem to care. I hear one of the nurses is going to be moving to a different job. This is when the thought of progression started. Perhaps I reason if i stay in this place long enough I can get a job as a nurse. As if to reason that the only thing one really needs is the understanding of someone whoh has gone through tis before. The knowledge that one is not alone is the hallowed halls of the mind. That one is not being observed by someone who can never understand the torture that is to have a mind that become all that is. A mind so engrossed in itself that it breaks through the other side of itself. The barriers that should never be broken are, and the beauty that is seen becomes all that is true. All one needs is one with insight into this global mind that I dance around. That schizophrenic people jump into and toss their own mind away. To leap ever forward into the pure green beauty that is the scared heart of humanity. People with anxiety stare at the door in front of them. This last door that should be open. This door into our collective being. They know the door, and they should show it to the ones who are depressed. The ones who have lost their way, and cry inside themselves. As a Bi-polar can pull back a schizophrenic an anxiety filled mind can lead the depressed.
Oh schizophrenic people I envy you so. So close to the pure being inside us. So close that one starts to hear the insights of others. So close as to become a seer of the future. I will pull you into my dance those who do not want to lose themselves before their natural death. All I ask is for the insights and perspectives that you so see in this global world. I fall a sleep for the first time in far to long, and I drift into a dream filled bliss.
The next day something is afoot. The blind but not blind man is being taken away. Where is he going? Why must he leave? He seems scared, and this terror emanates from him. I whisper something to calm his nerves "Everything exists so anything is possible"
He is one of those movable beds, but still a look of fear is in his eyes. I move closer, as I dance around the nurse.
"Hey what are you doing!"' says the nurse
I give the man a hug he whispers "Thank you" and the fear eases from his face. The raging fire of terror that was his soul is calmed by a single hug. Pathetic these nurses, so absorbed in helping yet they cant see what is so clear to me. So clear to so many. How can they help, but to strap a poor defenseless man into one of those movable beds. They wheel him out and I never see him again. Contacts are imported when in the hospital they make or break you.
MMMM-----MMMM----MMMMM MEMORY GAP-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P
I'm on a different floor now how did I get here? I must have teleported. Damn I'm an awesome mage. I explore my surroundings although I can't seem to find my room. There is a door with a person standing on the other side.
"Hey do you have any cigarettes?"
"No"
"Well go into that other room and look for some."
I being the grind my hide skill and my roguish talents. I enter the first room look around quickly, then into the next. I go from room to room never being observed. So energized by the shared mind I can peer into the movings of others. I can predict something before it happens. I glide from room to room on this small quest from the man behind the door. Nothing.
I return to my quest giver with the bad news.
"I do not have anything for you my good sir"
"Ah thats to bad"
Dinner was served it was chicken and veggies and it tasted O.K
I find the computer room..... Its time for Rave!
I through on something by Riffy and being the dance. The dance of hope. The dance of energy. The dance of laughter and mirth. The dance to give hope to the depressed, and lessen the anxiety of others. I dance for about and hour, and even leave the small computer room. Shuffleing across the floor and liquidizing when ever I stopped. I even had a white light still, as the light follows my hand.
I begin to talk to a man who calls himself Dr. Awsomus. We talk and exchange pleasantries, but I move to the piano room. Now I've never really played piano before, and I don't know any songs. However for some reason I am very good at improivsing. I play patterns that i see in the keys, and i guess I am composing some kind of work. A work that will never be played again, as i cant write music. The docotor begins to tell his sad story while i play my tune. The energy in the room has gone quite low. This man has many problems, and he never shares them as I am picking up. Although being in mage mode I'm not listening I'm really just playing. But the song begins to take pace to the energy that he is providing from his story. Depressed are the notes with twidges of happiness growing in frequency. The doctor is crying now, and he is so very happy. He is happy to have finally shared something with someone who cares so much that he can play a song that matches the story. Yet cares so much that he knows never to play it again, and will never hear the true story.
I go to sleep, and when I awake I am in Maui. Now I have already described my maui experience in my other posts but I will do so again.
When I enter the building I meet the last mage in this center of the mind. Nathan. We play a game a chess, and after a few moves he says I will win in 3 moves. I win in 2. Quite an interesting man he has left quite an impression on the people here. We have a mage game, can you find the hidden stars?
I begin to follow around somebody else. I tell them that I am their talking pokemon. So I follow and follow until she finally releases me back into the wild of CamH. So I begin to talk to a woman named neda and she has quite an enjoyable aura. She invites to come live with her family in Dubai, and I say yeah thats a great idea. I even get a kiss.
She leaves shortly after that, but before she left I slid the Queen of Clubs under her door. She never gave it back, and I hope she holds true to the meaning of that card. Then I meet my CamH best friend Ellie. She says she is pregnant and I go into prophetic mode.
"You will have twins, and they shall love and protect the world" I tell her that I am Joesph and that I shall care for her.
Its quite an interesting trip thinking that you are Joesph many interesting thoughts go though your mind. Such as love for the world. Faith in a being above yourself. Love of protection. Love of yourself. Fear for the future, as it will be a hard life.
I find a star. It is in my secret chill place behind the ping pong table. I stay there for a while and it is quite relaxing. Although I begin to think that I will need a new job soon. A job to provide for my coming family, and I choose the role of the janitor. I already had the gloves. So I begin to clean the stars from the old mage and erase the mark of the devil from the walls. It actually said devil and it took like 20 minutes to clean.
This is when I begin to eat plants, as I think myself a druid. I start to combine Spanish Thyme and Purple heart seeds into a new form of weed that I smoke. I have never tried it as I threw it all out. Although it would be interesting to try....
If you got a message from me about the rave i wanted to throw we are now at that point. Hehehe It would have been a terrible idea but still it was a lot of fun for me. Julien comes over now and we play the drums.... most of the rest of this shit is boring so i will sum it up
Drums
Get Drum
Go outside and play with craig
Funeral of Grandma
Draw on board
Get released.
Ellie not pregnate
Making a technicolour dream coat instead.
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